THE WELBEING SERIES: ORIENT TOWARDS WITHIN

From the moment we are born, our focus is on survival. Our attention directed towards ourselves and within. What do I want? What do I need to survive?

We are unapologetically self-focused, selfish and unafraid to communicate and demonstrate such. It is all we know and we will continue to have this mentality during our infancy and early childhood (0-10). Which makes sense why for most children in this age range, that they have no difficulties with being happy, play and expressing their unique creativity and personalities.

They are focused on their within. Listening and acting on their heart's desires. To manifest this inner vision into the external world that is reality.

This all changes when we enter our adolescence (10-19). The transition period where we transform from children to adults. However, while the most notable changes are usually the physical transformations and growths that come with puberty, there are also significant emotional, psychological and psychosocial developments.

A stark development being the rapid shift of our mind's compass to now focus on the external instead of the internal. External validation and approval has now become our top priority. We start caring and worrying about being cool and popular and how we measure up to other people. We want to fit in but also stand out simultaneously. We want to impress people and make as many friends as possible. We stop giving and decline receiving affection as we reject and rebel against our parents.

Our behaviour is now oriented to the external. We wear branded clothes that we don't necessarily like and/or are not functional in hopes of appearing more attractive and to fit in. We communicate less honestly and directly as we communicate what we hope people want to hear, rather than what we truly think and feel. We focus on adapting our behaviours, emotions and thoughts to our environments and social settings, because if we don't fit in we are the problem and not good enough.

This adolescent stage of one's life is an extremely vulnerable and turbulent period. Particularly in our modern world of technology and social media that is obssessed with productivity and consumption. It is no wonder that we are seeing a rise in mental health and behaviour difficulties in our youths, but also an increasing prevalence of extended adolescent development periods, as our youths struggle with developing their identity and role in our modern world.

THE JOURNEY FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADULTHOOD

We know that during our adolescence that we are orientated to the external. That we live in a world of endless and constant productivity, stimulation and consumerism. A cycle of demands and standards that can never be met and will never end. Yet we will direct all our attention and energy towards this external world and cycle. Only to lose the self-awareness of our own identity and inner world and live a lifestyle that neglects one's needs.

How are we feeling? What are our core principles and values? What do we need?

Being orientated to the external means putting the external world above our internal one. That we would go to the extremes of modifying our behaviours and even masking and/or attempting to change ourselves/inner world to match the external.

However, while doing so will generate greater understanding of the world and others, external validation and approval. This is a mentality and behaviour that is unsustainable and unhealthy for our wellbeing and development in the long term. We cannot develop our identity and live a meaningful and fulfilling lifestyle if we are orientated to the external.

The longer we are orientated to the external, the more severe the neglect and damage we do to ourselves. Whether that is inhibiting our personal development into independent and healthy adults, long term emotional and mental wellbeing and/or living a lifestyle that we do not find meaningful or fulfilling.

To complete our transformation from childhood to adolescence to adulthood, we must relearn how to orient ourselves to within. To develop, nourish and reconnect with our inner world. To understand the influences, temptations and distractions that is the external world, but be centered and driven to act by our own principles, values and inner vision.

Because in the end, the answers to who we are and what we need to live a meaningful and fulfilling life can only be found deep within ourselves.

THE ANSWERS LIE WITHIN

To orient towards within and reconnect with ourselves is a task that is easier said than done. It requires us to be ok with discomfort, boredom and/or pain/suffering, as it requires us to dedicate our efforts to create space and time where our minds are free from the distractions and stresses of the world, to have introspection.

Introspection requires us to be at peace with solitude. To have space and time to be just by ourselves ("me" time). A space free of stimulus and a courageous mind willing to listen to the calls of our body and soul.

However, the difficulty lies in our modern society/lifestyles that have been insidiously and gradually killing these safe havens of space and time to connect with ourselves. Whether it is our showers, commutes to and from work, when we are eating, getting ready to sleep and/or have to wait for something, we will crave and seek stimulus to fill these former havens. Stimulus that introduces further distractions and stress, while cannibalising our solitude.

What space and time is left for us to listen and speak with ourselves?

To orient towards within, one must be at peace with solitude and have the courage to listen and face harsh truths.

ME TIME